Browns Players Have “Meh” Performance in the Most “Meh” All-Star Game

Despite the outcome of the 2019 NFL Pro-Bowl, where the AFC (what is the antonym for “dominated”?) the NFC 26-7, there were no real winners. Even Mother Nature tried to cancel this game with a downpour that lasted most of the game. Undeterred by this obvious sign, the NFL chose to “play” this game anyway.  Coming off of the momentum of a 7-8-1 record, Browns players elected to this “game” should have capitalized on this chance to prove they deserved their election

They, well, showed up.

Granted, NO ONE takes this game seriously.  The last person who did was Massillon, Ohio’s favored no-neck Chris Spielman, who sat incredulous after watching NFC Coach Barry Switzer order hot dogs from the stands during the 1995 game

It is as if, collectively, the tautly-wound NFL finally ties one on at the after party and starts dancing with the lampshade on its head.  Sure, Myles Garrett recorded one sack, Joel Bitonio did not get his name called (a perfect game for a lineman), but Jarvis Landry dropped a rain-soaked ball in the end zone for an easy touchdown.  (He penalized himself with ten pushups.) All told, the Browns broke even, effort-wise.

Landry’s fumble was overshadowed by Jason Witten, who inexplicably still has his commentary job with ESPN.  On a fifteen-yard out route from Kansas City quarterback Patrick Mahomes to Indianapolis tight end Eric Ebron, Witten remarked, “Ebron was [Mahomes’s] guy all year.”  Witten’s less than All-Pro night continued when, while presenting the trophy to co-winners Mahomes and New York Jets safety Jamal Adams, he grabbed it awkwardly, ripping the top of the trophy off its stand.

Even Witten’s former coach, Jason Garrett, who inexplicably still has his head coaching job in the NFL, could not escape the ennui.  With his own players and this years best of the NFC, the Dallas Cowboys coach only mustered seven points

While there is much to be excited about for Browns fans, not even a young, talented, hungry core of Browns players could bring the value of this Pro Bowl any higher than “Meh”.

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